Heard Across the Omniverse

“Good Afternoon.  It happened while the city slept.  A giant monster, now named “Cloverfield” by S.H.I.E.L.D. brass, attacked the city shortly before midnight last night.  It ravaged several abandoned dockside warehouses before Spider-Man swung on to the scene.  Spider-Man distracted the monster for several minutes with his amazing acrobatics until it dropped dozens of spawn from its hide.  Spider-Man was forced to disengage the monster to protect a growing crowd of onlookers from the ravenous horde of dog-sized horrors.  With S.H.I.E.L.D. and the United States Armed Forces still en route, the monster seemed set to continue its rampage unopposed.  Until, that is, the Hulk suddenly appeared in its path.  Yes, the Hulk, cause of so much damage himself, put his incredible power to more beneficent use.  After a brief struggle, which resulted in the destruction of several blocks of evacuated apartments, the Hulk was successful in tossing the immense, squid-like monster back out to sea.  There, it was met by Tony Stark, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and inventor/pilot of the invincible Iron Man armor, accompanied by the new S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier.  Though Director Stark had some early trouble avoiding the quick, tentacle-like limbs of the monster, his powerful repulsors made quick work of the creature that  had, for a brief moment, seemed unstoppable.  S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were quick to begin containment and clean up operations, making New York City safe once again, with many of its citizens unaware that anything had happened.  There is one casualty to report, however.  Lady Liberty lost her head in the attack.  It was quickly found suspended in Spider-Man’s distinctive webbing several blocks from where the creature made landfall.  Damage Control promises to have Lady Liberty and the rest of the damage patched up and good as new by late this evening.

In a statement released by Director Stark from the scene, he commends the actions of the Hulk and Spider-Man as heroic, but they are still to be considered dangerous fugitives.  In other news  Hank Pym announced today that-”

Angel is a Perv

First is was Husk, and now… Well, just take a look for yourselves:

And if that isn’t bad enough, look at this:

Husk was controversial, but this is downright wrong.  Scorpion is only about 16 or so.  Angel needs to straighten up and fly right (pun intended, it is a humor blog), or he’s gonna end up in jail, or worse, on To Catch a Predator.

This is not what I intended to be my first real article, but it works until I complete my other articles, which are quickly spiraling into unwieldy verbosity.  This is the appetizer, the bowl of bread to enhance your appetite.  Or maybe just a chuckle at Angel’s expense.  Either way, there is much more to come.

I am from Beyond!

I have not come for dicussion.  I am not here for debate.  Your complaints have no home here.  Your sacred cows are a sacrifice to my eternal vanity.  Abandon your opinions and all my wit shall be open to you.