Trades and Tribulations

Tom Brevoort, Executive Editor at Marvel Comics, has been trading comics with fans on his blog.  He hopes to acquire a copy of Fantastic Four #1, which he will then donate to the Hero Initiative to be auctioned off.  Aside from being a wonderfully charitable thing to do, this trading experiment is a great way to reach out to the fans.  I know I was eager to find a comic in my collection that I could trade to Tom.  Not only to have personal correspondence with one of Marvel’s bigwigs, but also to get my hands on the Certificate of Meaninglessness that accompanies each trade.

But what could I trade to Tom?  He was aiming for Fantastic Four #1.  I didn’t start collecting comics seriously until about 10 years ago, and I’ve never had much money to spend on the classics.  The best my longboxes offer is a beat up early Defenders issue, a full run of Spider-Man 2099, and Secret Wars #4, but I didn’t want to trade any of those.  So, I scoured Tom’s trade pile, looking for something I could possibly hope to match.

And I found it.  The NFL Superpro Special.  Superpro is a sentimental favorite of mine.  I know he’s lame, but his comics were some of the first I collected.  No one else is gonna take that stinker of Tom’s hands.  I had my target.  Now, what to trade?  The answer was beautiful in its irony.

I would trade him Fantastic Four 2099 #1.

I know.  It’s a horrible, obvious joke, but I couldn’t resist.  Besides, I’ve hated Fantastic Four 2099 since it first came out.  The 2099 characters were a cool re-imagining of the Marvel heroes (well, Spider-Man 2099 was), but the Fantastic Four 2099 were… just the regular Fantastic Four?  Lame.  And now I had the perfect avenue to rid myself of it.  I fired off an e-mail to Tom offering him Fantastic Four 2099 #1 (and #3 for good measure and to get rid of it), and to my great surprise he accepted!  And so, after a quick stop at the post office, my comics are now headed to Tom Brevoort’s trade pile, where they will hopefully find someone who can tolerate them.  Now all I can do is wait eagerly for my comic and my certificate.  Look forward to an update when they arrive.

Speaking of trades, my local comic shop, Conquest Comics, has a small pile of trade paperbacks that they sell for $5.  Being a sucker for cheap comics, I regularly raid this pile for anything of value.  So far I’ve picked up Michael Allred’s Madman and the Atomics, Doom by Chuck Dixon and Leonardo Manco, Powers: Who Killed Retro Girl? by Bendis and Oeming, and a Thunderbolts trade by Kurt Busiek, Mark Bagley, et al.  Look for reviews of all these trades in a new feature, coming soon.

And, finally, speaking of reviews, in the coming week I plan on finally continuing my Indy 100 series with The Demolution Engine, the comic so bad it killed my desire to read comics for a solid month.  I plan on putting that unpleasantness behind me and continuing with my reviews.  After The Demolution Engine, I should be able to handle anything that pile of comics can throw at me.

As you can see, there’s a lot of big things on the horizon here at The Rampage, so keep checking back.  The long winter is over.

The Indy 100 #3

Title: The Marquis: Danse Macabre
Publisher: Oni Press
Creative Team: Guy Davis (writer/illustrator/book design/typesetting), Vince Locke (letters), Matt Wagner (cover painting), Jamie S. Rich (editor/editor-in-chief), Nate Pride (book design/typesetting), and Rosemary Van Deuren (back cover)
Date of Publication: May 2000
Issue: #1 (of 5)
Genre: Horror/Action/Superhero

Plot Overview:

In a very artistically rendered city that looks like Versailles in the 1700s, masked revelers run wild in the streets. An unmasked lamp lighter scolds them, calling them devils, and yells at them to go confess at the Ministry or they will be tortured. Having chased off the “devils,” he goes back to his work, but one has remained behind. He claims to be cold. A black cloaked figure looks on from above as a fire flares into life, and we see the masked devil laughing wildly as the lamp lighter is engulfed in flames. His revelry does not last long, as the black cloaked figure, who we now see is masked, is standing before him. The devil calls him “de Marquis.”

The scene then changes to an interior of a church, where the Marquis doffs his mask. He is revealed as an older man. He drops to his knees before a statue of the Saint de Massard (think a super Virgin Mary) and begins to confess. he says all he’s done has been in her name. He is Vol De Galle. He has fought in the Crusades. He has served the Inquisition of the Ministry. All because of her inspiration, He studied her at length, how she saved the savior from Hell. He has always fought the damned to deliver the good from sin. In Venisalle (the city that is totally not Versailles) he has always sought out the devils that the Ministry teaches lead men to sin. But, despite his years in the army and in the Inquisition, he had never found them.

Until he fought the devil inside the pyromaniacal masked reveler. We return to the fight. The reveler has turned into a true demon. The Marquis lashes out at the demon with dual Gatling pistols. The devil lashes out with the strength of anger, but is weakened before the Marquis’ piety. The Marquis lays about with a sword. The deal tries to bargain, but the Marquis brings nothing but salvation and death. The Marquis has learned much from his years of fighting, and he drives his blade home in the chest of the devil. But no, the devil has fled, and all that remains is the dead reveler. The Marquis offers up a blessing, proud to have freed the dead man from sin.

The Marquis admits that at that time, he had been greatly in doubt. What if man, not devils, were responsible for sin? What is people were responsible for their own actions? Shocking! Heresy! As he was beyond reproach due to his ordination, doubt was the only sin he could commit. And though it was forbidden to any and all in the Ministry, the Marquis decided to go to the Confessional to unburden himself of this sin. It is there that his true folly, his true sin would begin.

In Venisalle, the Ministry and its armies decree that all sin and shame be masked. Literally. Those found to be sinners must wear masks or be taken to the Inquisition for torturous absolution. The Marquis finds this all a bit silly, but such is the way of things. The Confessional’s entrance is overseen by a man who is half carny barker and half court jester. As the Marquis approaches, he is openly mocked by the doorman. He tries to shove his way in, but the doorman is affronted. It is immodest for sinners to go unmasked. And so, hesitantly, the Marquis puts on the now-familiar mask he had carried, but so far not worn. The doorman says if he wants to be immodest, he can be so inside with the others.

The Marquis descends into the Confessional. Instead of closed booths and priests, we are presented with a bacchanal. Apparently, the theory behind the Confessional is that if people are allowed to act out their deepest desired sins as much as they want, they’ll get it all out of their system. Great plan. The Marquis is uncomfortable around such base behavior. He tells those who approach that he merely wants to face the saints, so two women lead him deeper into the Confessional to find them. What he finds is a group of petitioners holding a mask over a horse’s ass and telling him to face his maker. He fled the scene, but all he found in the Confessional were people embracing sin, not rejecting it.

He left the Confessional, all doubt cleared from his mind. The devils were clearly at work in the city. He had been looking for horns and hooves to confirm it, and he was finally starting to find them. Through the eyes of his mask, he could see the devils that inhabited the masked sinners. He returned to his lodgings at the Ministry, concerned for his own sanity. Maybe he had finally just snapped. So, he prayed to his blessed St. de Massard. “She” appears to Vol de Galle in the guise of his sinners’ mask. When he asks if she is the saint, the apparition merely tells him to believe as is his faith. She reveals that the souls of hell have escaped into his world. Where have I heard that before? These souls are using Venisalle to damn further souls to Hell. The Marquis’ years of fighting have already provided him the skills he needs, so the apparition provides him with the tools, his sword and Gatling pistols. It is his duty, his penance, to dispatch all the damned souls back to Hell and save Venisalle and the world.

The Marquis returns to his room to find it engulfed in flames. For his sins, all his past spoils and and points of pride are being destroyed. He runs out into the street, watching his home burn. But he has renewed purpose and renewed faith. What he had failed to do as a soldier and as an Inquisitor, he shall now do as a tool of the saints. So he now swears to the statue of St. de Massard. He will drive the devils from the world of the living. He strides out of the hall, ready to begin his crusade against the souls of Hell. And his very own, as well. Then we find a missive from Guy Davis himself, a promise of a cover by Mike Mignola, and that wraps it up.

Highlights:
Hey, for once I get to put both the plot and the art In the Highlight section. Though this book does suffer from the jumpy timeline that I am beginning to think is an Oni Press hallmark, the plot is not as hard to follow as shot callerz, even if it still took three read throughs to get right. Though superficially similar to V for Vendetta, The Marquis is a title all its own, with only the similarities of V’s and The Marquis’ costumes connecting the two. The Marquis, his city, and his crusade are all intriguing, despite the fact that all three elements sound done to death on paper. I mean, a conflicted holy man, the 18th century, and a quest against the invading forces of Hell? Pretty cliche. But it works. And that is because we can never take anything at face value. Is the Marquis truly seeing devils, or is he just killing masked citizens in the street. Is he truly receiving orders from his coveted St. de Massard, or is it some other force, or simply a figment of his insanity? Are devils truly behind man’s sin, or is it truly man’s own will, as the Marquis had come to suspect? These questions and the lack of answers in this issue elevate the work above the cliche and truly draw the reader in. I know I found it captivating at times.

The art holds up its end, as well. Guy Davis’ pencils are detailed and busy, though rarely confusing or disjointed. The  Marqui’s costume is simple, yet striking.  The stylized, scornful mask is especially memorable.  It helps that the Marquis is shrouded in black while surrounded by others in white.  His depictions of the “real world” and “demonvision” leave just enough room for one to wonder if they can really trust the Marquis’ narration. Plus, sometimes it’s just funny.

Lowlights:
As I mentioned before, the plot in The Marquis jumps around to various points in time, which presents a hurdle to enjoying what otherwise is a well-crafted story. The hurdle is not insurmountable, as it is in shot callerz, but it does require patience to get past. If not for my commitment to review it, I may not have bothered to put the time in.

While Davis’ setting of Venisalle is interesting, it’s also sometimes groanworthy. The army subduing the populace with debauchery. The church decadent and impotent. Sometimes it all just caused me to roll my eyes. It’s not truly bad or anything, but when personal responsibility is a heresy, I laugh a little.

One minor gripe about the art is that it always seems to be focused on the Marquis, giving me very few images to insert for praise or mockery. Almost every panel is a close-up or mid-shot of the Marquis. The cover already contains the best image of his costume, and the Marquis is just your average aristocrat without it. So, I’ll throw in a scan of the Marquis, his cool Gatling pistols, and some tits, just for the hell of it.

Enjoyment rating (out of 5): 3.5
This comic was good. I enjoy the religion-themed horror and the superheroness of the Marquis. In fact, after reading Marvel’s The Twelve, I notice a lot of similarities between the Marquis and those Golden Age heroes, especially the Laughing Mask. That said, it is a laborious read. And, personally, it is out of my normal comic comfort zone. Still, if I happen upon the rest of the issues of The Marquis: Danse Macabre, I would pick them up.

Next: The Demolution Engine

The Indy 100 #2

Title: KRUSADA
Publisher: Entity Comics, a division of Express Publications, Inc.
Creative Team: Steve V. Mateo (writer), Shelby W. Robertson (layouts/pencils), Adam Arellano (pencils), Abraham Madison (inks), Planet Maus (colors), Manny Fontz (letters, get it?), Don Chin (editor)
Date of Publication: December 1996
Issue: Killer Elite Special #1
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Superhero

Plot Overview:
We begin with some narration over a sparse but effective depiction of outer space. The narrator explains that the average number of life-sustaining planets is essentially 0, mathematically speaking. This makes life unique and precious. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… There was D’escotia, a planet at war with itself. We get a lot of typically loopy sci-fi names of places and things, but the only two that matter are Kelendra and Xurani, the names of two warring clans that have obliterated the others. The narrator opines that war is the inevitable result of civilization. Bummer. The two clans have been warring for centuries for reasons no one now remembers. We see typical scenes of battle, which includes people in spandex, high tech weaponry, low tech weaponry, castles, and dragons

Yes, dragons.

We then find ourselves at Castle Greyskull. I mean, Granite-Keep, the Khelendran base. The 22nd Armored Dragonrider Unit has been called to meet by Kath The Young Upstart. Kath says that some festival allows her the opportunity to challenge Khai Krusada for the title of Khai. Since the title character is Khelendran, I will now assume that they are the Good Guys. Kath is whipping herself into a frenzy to fight Krusada, but Kain interjects himself into the situation. He talks about how awesome he is while standing absolutely still.

This is Kain, he is awesome. Since he is so awesome, it is he that gets to challenge Krusada. Kath backs down, cowed by Kain’s sheer awesomeness. Or creeped out by his tiny head.

We then zip over to check on the Bad Guys, the Xurani. Their fortress, merely called “the Xurani fortress,” is guarded by numerous generic guards and is much larger than the Khelendrans’. Necrona, who is obviously the main Bad Guy, argues with some Cobra Commander wannabe about attacking the Khelendrans while they are distracted by their festival. The leader doesn’t want to sink that low, so Necrona simply kills him and takes over. I’m sure Destro is nodding approvingly. Necrons then wins over the guards with an impassioned-

Holy hell! What is up with her mouth!?

Anyway, we join Krusada and Kain’s battle hours after its start. Apparently, Krusada taught Kain everything he knows about being awesome. Kain recoils in horror from her clenched fist and then yields. Out of fucking nowhere, the Xurani forces attack, decapitating a half dozen nameless Khelendran and ventilating Kain. Krusada leaps at Necrona and lops off Necrona’s hand. Necrona then calls a sudden retreat and the Xurani disappear on their dragons. Krusada then realizes that Kain is stone dead. This is the last straw for Krusada. As she growls out Necrona’s name, her face promises she will not rest until Necrona is dead and the Xurani destroyed. We then get 5 pages of pinups and some ads to wrap up.

Highlights:
This book is hilarious. Not so much for its plot, but for how it tries to bridge several popular genres. It kind of has a Masters of the Universe feel to it, but they are obviously playing up the sci-fi and spandex aspects more than the fantasy. It all seems rather more slapdash than MotU, as well. The fantasy elements could easily have been left out. The most notable fantasy element, the dragons, just seems incongruous and silly. But this is the highlights section, and the unintentional hilarity of seeing dragons in the middle of a bunch of YoungBlood rejects fighting with guns and maces can’t be beat.

KRUSADA is also fun to read as a time capsule of 90’s comics. There are ads for Zen the Intergalactic Ninja. The few ads with webpages have incredibly long URLs. This issue being the Extreme Elite Mega-Awesome Killer Murdertacular #1 with a foil cover positively screams 90’s. And check out an ad for Extreme’s back issues. It’s made up almost entirely of parodies of other comics. Hulk, Gen13, Star Trek, and the X-Force all take a beating. I’ve included it for your enjoyment. How many did you have?

Since the main character is female, men fill the supporting roles that women would in a male-driven comic. This is nowhere more evident than when Kain gets killed by Necrona only to give some pathos to the main character. But I’m sure Kain will like it in the refrigerator. There are plenty of chicks stuffed in there, after all. But Kain’s demise will get no complaints from me. The death of a loved one is a tried and true, if somewhat cliche, plot device in fiction. It is not truly a problem in and of itself. In any story with a single protagonist, all other characters exist simply to serve the protagonist’s story. They die, they live, they learn, they teach, they love, they hate. And none is more important to the protagonist than the one they love, who is, typically, of the opposite sex. Saying that female supporting characters are killed more often than male characters is, to me, the same as saying that there are not enough female leads getting their male supporting cast killed.

Lowlights:
The art in KRUSADA is at, approximately, the same level as that in my copy of GURPS Supers. In fact, I would have to give the nod to GURPS when comparing them. I mentioned that KRUSADA was a time capsule of the 90’s, but when it comes to the art, that’s more a curse than a blessing. Big guns, big tits, small heads, it’s all there. While not the worst I’ve seen, KRUSADA’s art peaks at adequate and is more often awkward. The art team seems to have split up the art chores thusly: one would draw the figures and faces, the other would draw the mouths. Mouths are certainly this art team’s Liefeld’s heel, and they often resort to characters wearing full-face masks to avoid the issue. Given Necrona’s creepmouth, I think it’s a good choice. Characters are often stiffly posed. Ironically, the perspective and proportions of the posed shots are worse than the action shots, possibly pointing out another division of the work by the artists. And finally, the pages contain few panels and lots of splashes. Now, I’m not one to complain about decompression, but when the splash pages are used to show characters standing still and no action whatsoever, even I get bored.

The plot is just boring, as well. I don’t care about the war. I don’t care about Kain. I care even less about Kath, who will probably ends up as Krusada’s plucky sidekick/rival. Not enough happens in the issue to bring me in. The narration is quasi-philosophical and pretentious. It makes a good point with the “the average number of life-supporting planets is 0″ bit, but its little rant on the inevitability of war just comes off as preachy. I have no desire to read the Killer Elite #2.

Enjoyment rating (out of 5): 2.5
Mid-90’s nostalgia brings this a half-point above shot callerz, but it still wasn’t that great. Though, it does prove that ho-hum superhero books are not the sole province of the Big Two.

Next: The Marquis: Danse Macabre #1

The Indy 100 #1

Title: shot callerz (also Shot Callerz)
Publisher: Oni Press
Creative Team: Gary Phillips (writer), Vrett Wieldele (artist), John Dranski (letterer), K. Seda (design), James Lucas Jones (editor), and Jamie S. Rich (editor-in-chief)
Date of Publication: May 2002
Issue: 1 of 4
Genre: Crime/Revenge Drama

Plot Overview:
Nea Garvin is a Strong Black Woman who gets shot in the back by her gangsta boyfriend, Philip, after a successful bank heist. After Philip foolishly leaves her alive, she plugs up her wounds as best she can and crawls out into the street. Just as she loses consciousness, she stumbles in front of a car. As Nea enters a coma, we find out the circumstances of the heist. The L.A. Clippers had just won the NBA championship. While everyone was in th street celebrating, Nea, Philip, and two accomplices rob a bank. Philip is overly brutal, but Nea ignores it. She berates herself for being so blind to Philip’s dark nature, but he was just so fine. She worries about her other two friends, Christian and Willie. As she regains consciousness, she hopes she is awakening from a nightmare.

Nope. She awakens to find two thugs, Freight and “Pooter,” waiting for her, so she pretends to still be unconscious. Freight has assigned Pooter to watch over Nea so he’ll know when she awakens. Freight wants his money and thinks Nea knows where Philip has gone. He makes it obvious he plans on killing her once he gets what he wants. And now that Nea has lost some weight from not eating “them pork chops like she used to,” he’s decided he wants more than just the information on Philip. A nurse comes to check on Nea and forces Freight and Pooter out. Freight has fed her a line that he and Nea are cousins. The nurse apparently believes him and promises to let him know when she awakes when he slips her his card and some cash.

Nea wakes up again later that night. A man in a body cast begins to spout off some exposition about her wounds. The bullets missed her kidneys, but she went into a coma from bloodloss. Thanks, bodycast guy. Pooter is still waiting outside the room, though, and storms in when he hears her moving around. Nea continues to play possum as Pooter (who is also called Wince, apparently) shakes her, but then wallops him with a bed pan. “Better than watching WWF SmackDown!” interjects bodycast guy. Nea knocks Pooter out and beguins taking his clothes. “This is better than ‘Real Sex’ on HBO!” interjects the creepy bodycast guy as Nea changes. Nea asks bodycast guy (his name’s Barry, by the way) to keep his mouth shut and then sneaks out of the hospital. She’s still feeling the effects of her wounds, but she manages to get Wince’s car and his money. Wince has just enough “ducats” to get Nea some greasy fast food and a no-tell motel room. Her vendetta has begun!

The scene then changes to a plushly appointed apartment where Freight chews out Wince and Pooter (oh, they were different characters, ok) over letting Nea escape while an anonymous blond gives him a blow job. OMG, this comic is so raw. Wince swears they’ll find Nea again and says he will kick her in the head with his size 11 shoes when he does. Nea, meanwhile, has picked up a pathetically twerpy white guy in a bar. She brings him upstairs where he gets ready to get busy. While his pants are down, Nea pulls a knife on him and robs him. She knows Marv The White Guy won’t report her because then he would have to explain this situation to his wife and kids. But, out of the goodness of her heart, she’ll just take his ATM card and pin number. She’ll withdraw the limit once and he can report it lost in the morning. Marv The Pathetically White Guy blithely goes along with it.

Nea, sporting some new threads, stops by a contact of hers named Creedmore, who is tremendously fat. She peppers him with noirish one-liners before getting down to business. Nea passes him a few hundreds and asks him about Willie Cruz. Creedmore says Willie hasn’t been seen in a month, but Christian Smith, Willie and Nea’s token white friend, has been keeping himself busy. Nea gets the info from Creedmore, but as she leaves out the back, some of Philip’s goons come in the front. Nea’s next stop is a pawn shop where a woman she apparently knows sells her some “cold” weapons and a carjacking kit. Nea apparently pays for her purchases with more noirish one-liners.

Nea goes to a posh area of L.A. and jacks a posh car, dismissively tossing it’s Club out the window. It’s the one worthwhile thing Philip taught her. after that, we see the thugs who worked over Creedmore and finally find out where Nea is going. Apparently Willie has set up shop in Nogales. Nea is driving through California and gives the reader a history lesson. She ends up in Indio, a city primarily known for its dates (as in, the fruit). She fantasizes about dates a bit before walking into Christian’s office. Where Willie’s been tied up, worked over, and killed at Philip’s behest. As Nea examines the room, trying to figure out what happened, she finds that Willie’s last act was to point at an image of a horse on a child’s block.

Nea ditches her car and sets up in a hotel in Palm Springs. In her room, she sees a painting of a horse and jockey, which causes the clue from Willie to click in her mind. Meanwhile, the thugs who killed Willie and worked over Creedmore pull into the hotel’s parking lot. Also, a whore reports Nea’s whereabouts to a mysterious old pimp named Smooth. And a whore and a John have sex, apparently for ambiance. That’s all for this issue.

Highlights:
The book is enthusiastically praised by its editor, who professes a love for crime fiction. He admits to stealing away the book from other editors after reading some of Gary Phillips’ crime novels. He spends the whole letter area talking up the project. Even the editor-in-chief praises it in his missive at the end of the issue.

The art is excellent. It’s unpolished and stylized, but so is the story, so it works. Despite it’s liney, rushed appearance, it is never confusing or distracting. No, the confusion comes from the awkward scripting, which I will talk about next. But this scene of Nea jacking a car is rather well done.

Lowlights:
what the hell is going on in this story? I have little confidence in my plot review, as the plot jumps around oddly. Scenes break and change with little notice, leaving the reader scratching their head. We’ll be in a scene with Nea, but before it reaches its logical conclusion, we’ll be with some other barely defined supporting character. Then, pages later, we’ll finally find out how Nea’s scene ended second hand from a different (maybe?) character. This awkward plotting kills any momentum the book has and inspires the reader to put it down. It’s actually quite frustrating. Just as I start to care about Nea’s struggles, the plot is pulled out from under me and I’m stuck trying to figure out what just happened instead of focusing on the drama of Nea’s vengeance.

This confusion is not helped by the fact that most characters are completely interchangeable and impossible to tell apart. I mentioned my confusion over whether Wince and Pooter were different characters. Freight is a little more defined, but he only shows up twice and is directly called by name both times. Willie and Christian are also impossible to distinguish, despite the fact that only Willie appears. Nea walks into Christian’s place, calls Christian’s name, but then finds Willie dead? What? It doesn’t help that Willie is drawn almost as large as Creedmore, negating his one distinctive feature. And since the last we see of Creedmore, he’s about to be worked over, it seems like he’s dead. It took me multiple readings to even begin to understand who was who. In fact, only 4 characters are recognizable, and that’s only because they have one defining characteristic. Nea is the protagonist and the only female main character. Philip Tangiers, her ex-boyfriend, has a distinctive dreadlock-style haircut. Interestingly, the last two are throwaway characters. Barry, the white guy in the body cast, and Marv, the white guy Nea robs. Everyone else is practically interchangeable. I had to rely entirely on the dialog to figure out who was who. Another layer of annoyance that separates me from the story.

Who is this? Willie? Wince? Pooter? Waldo?

Perhaps the most ridiculous thing, however, is the dialog. It integrates a large amount of street slang, which makes sense in a story with this kind of a setting. Unfortunately, about 90% of it sounds completely ridiculous when you read it. It doesn’t sound natural at all. Part of this may be due to the inherent difficulty of writing a dialect believably (anyone who has tried to write or read someone with an Irish accent knows this pain all too well), but it often seems like the writer is doing it on purpose. The editor-in-chief does mention in his statement that shot callerz is supposed to be an homage to blaxploitation films, but if that’s the case, the language actually misses the point by taking itself too seriously. In the end, we get a mish-mash of street slang, noir cliches, and borderline stereotypical language. I’ll give you a little taste, taken from the very first page of the comic: “Ain’t that about nothin’? He played me like I was some stupid hood rat I swore I was never gonna become. But I let a fine body and a face that would make Taye Diggs jealous get next to me. Shit.” I think that about sums it up.

Enjoyment rating (out of 5): 2
Not bad, but certainly not good. This comic can’t decide whether it wants to be a serious crime drama or a campy noir/blaxploitation homage. The campy parts work ok, resulting in a few chuckles and a few nice scenes, but the serious parts and Nea’s “noir heroine” dialog fall flat. If I had paid the $2.99 cover price and not $0.22, I would be very displeased.

That’s one down, folks. The following reviews will all follow this format, more or less, so I hope you like it. Next up: KRUSADA

The Indy 100

I make no secret of the fact that I am a fan of superhero comics first and all other genres last. The words “comic book” to me always brings to mind the colorful characters of DC and Marvel. They are the modern mythology, and they are important. However, I am not blind to the myriad other genres that exist in the world of sequential art. Indifferent to it, perhaps, but blind to it, no. That’s why, when the opportunity presented itself to broaden my comic book horizons a bit, I took it. And how did opportunity present itself?

Why, as a sale of course. For the paltry sum of $22.00, I found myself in possession of a collection of 100 indy comics. I will review these comics and post my findings here, at The Ramapage. I hope it’s as fun to write as it will be to read.

This project has been in the works for some time, but I’ve just been too lazy to get it rolling. So, as punishment for me and a gift to you, there will be a review posted everyday for the next 5 days and then a double shot next Monday. Until then, I leave you with the title of the first comic to be reviewed: shot callerz

Predictions

Well, the first reviews of the Iron Man movie are coming in, but before I read any of them, I would like to make a few predictions about how the receptions of Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk will differ.

#1. Iron Man will be praised for the high quality of its CG imagery.

The Incredible Hulk will be excoriated for its CG work.  It will either be called not as good as that of the first movie or, the go to for CG, it will not be “believable.”

The CG in both movies will be of the same quality.

2. Iron Man will receive generally good reviews from both comics fans and the general audience.

The Incredible Hulk will be picked apart by those who feel it is not as good is the first movie, just as bad as the first movie, or not as good as the live-action TV series.

3. Robert Downy Jr. will be praised for his potrayal of Tony Stark.

Edward Norton will be criticised for not being more like Bill Bixby.
My point?  People have already decided that Iron Man will be good and The Incredible Hulk will be bad, and the reviews will reflect this.

A Token Effort

Let’s play a game.  I’ll show you a preview page from Young Avenger’s Presents #3 (of 6), and you tell me what’s wrong with it.  The answer may surprise you.

Click here for the page, courtesy of Newsarama. 

Done?  Good.  Now, if you said “Hulkling does not look anything like Hulk in his battle form,” I am sorry, but that is not the answer we were looking for.  Please tune in at a later date for our discussion on Hulkling.  No, the answer we were looking for was “Hulking and Wiccan do not kiss good-bye as Wiccan is leaving.”  If you don’t think there’s anything wrong with two people not kissing each other, then bless you.  You are too pure to be reading about comics on the internet.

This, of course, ignited a hellstorm of accusations and deprecations on the Newsarama message boards.  How dare two gay men in a relationship not kiss on panel.  Now, I’ll admit, I, too, thought is was a bit strange.  But that’s as far as it went, just a bit strange.  My second thought was of how offended people would get over this omission.  I didn’t have to wait long for vindication.  Soon, shit was flying on both sides, despite early attempts by Newsarama moderators to defuse the situation.  No.  The lack of a kiss, coupled with the fact that Wiccan and Hulking do not explicitly say that they love each other, enraged some people.  Marvel was homophobic and trying to repress gay couples in comics.  Marvel was portraying gay men as sluts.  Wiccan and Hulkling were marching right back to tokenism.

This article will not change any of their minds.  Logical arguments do not end situations like these.  All I want is to explain why the absence of a kiss makes Wiccan and Hulkling more believable to me than most comic book couples.

Top Six Reasons Hulking and Wiccan Do Not Kiss Each Other Good-bye

6. Skrulls do not brush their teeth, as shape-changing makes them immune to plaque and the gum disease gingivitis.

5. Speed, Wiccan’s brother, is fast enough to zoom in at any time unnoticed.  PDAs in front of family are always awkward.

4. Hulkling goes from his battle form to looking just like Wiccan.  I imagine both of those would be awkward to make out with.

3. Wiccan’s mom is literally banging on his door calling for him.  Wiccan doesn’t have much time to make good his escape.

2. Wiccan is distracted by the serious nature of the quest he is about to undertake, which is one to find out where he truly comes from.  Daunting for anyone.

1. Wiccan and Hulkling are simply still adjusting to their relationship.  They’re still awkward around each other, despite their feelings.  They are *gasp* acting like teenagers, still wondering what is appropriate and when.

If you want to get upset because Wiccan and Hulkling don’t act lik the heroes  from your favorite yaoi manga, that’s fine.  It must be frustrating not to see all your desires made real on the page.  But don’t try to tell me that it makes them any less believable as characters, or, in fact, makes them tokens.  The simple act of not kissing has made them real to me than all the graphic lust could achieve.

Shill: Secret Invasion Animated Webisode

So, yeah, Secret Invasion. The Skrullocaust. Marvel’s big event for 2008. Do I really care? No. I had my event already, and it seems to have taken Hulk out of the picture for SI. (Though, CBR’s Earth’s Most Wanted card deck gives me a bit of hope.) However, as Bendis~! is at the helm of this event, the results promise to be significant, so I just can’t ignore it. And so, I dutifully watched this newest marketing tool to see if I could glean any new info from it. Though, with possible mole/possible plant “Marvel B0y” seemingly spoiling things left and right, it may be an unnecessary effort. Anyway, some things I noticed.

Nick Fury is very important. Gee, really? I guess this means maybe he’ll show up for more than a few panels.

Skrulls. Are. EVERYWHERE! Initiative: Check. Avengers: Double Check (Thanks, Marvel B0y). Fantastic Four? Now that is interesting. I still hold out hope for Mr. Skrulltastic, but think it much more likely that we’ll see The Ever-Loving, Blue-Eyed Skrull and the Skrull Torch.

And that’s about it. Everything else is already old news, except for possibly that the Skrulls wanted to replace Echo and failed. And so, while I am somewhat interested in who is and is not a Skrull, I don’t really care about the story itself. I care more that this appears to be the finale of the 7 year Bendis Saga we’ve been wading through unknowingly. And maybe, just maybe, after Civil War, House of M, Silent War, World War Hulk, Messiah Complex, and Secret Invasion, we will finally know who, exactly, we can trust.

Bearing the Skaars of Limbo

I wasn’t expecting much out of Wizard World LA.  Just the usual Final Crisis and Secret Invasion teasers with some general griping about Countdown and Spider-man tossed in from the fans.  I was greatly shocked, however, to find one bit of news, almost lost amid the Mondo Marvel news hurricane that Skaar: Son of Hulk was back on the radar.  Sure, it looked a little different than I remembered, as Ron Garney had replaced Carlo Pagulayan as penciler, but with Greg Pak still at the helm, I was a happy camper.  Hulk’s half-alien son would live, and our time on Sakaar was not yet over.

Skaar had been originally scheduled for a March release, but solicitations for March came and went with no sign of the title.  There was no comment about the title coming from either Marvel of Greg Pak.  The only hint we got about Skaar’s status was a quote, purportedly from Planet Hulk colorist Chris Sotomayor, stating that Marvel was unsure of what to do with the title with The Incredible Hulk debuting in theatres in the Summer.  With Marvel apparently getting cold feet about debuting a title starring Hulk’s son at the risk of confusing the casual, movie-going fans, it seemed Skaar had been banished to Limbo, cursed to spend eternity with the Wonder Woman movie and Miracleman.  But Marvel, however, has warmed to the idea, and, despite rumors of a Fall launch, Skaar has been solicited for June, the very month Hulk bounds back into theatres.

The only dark cloud for some is the loss of Pags on pencils.  While Carlo Pagulayan is one awesome penciler, one thing about his work never sat right with me.  That thing?  Hulk himself.  In the beginning, it wasn’t so bad.

See, that’s a pretty sweet Hulk right there.  But sometimes …

Just say no to three-fingered, cat-faced Hulk.  Not that Aaron Lopresti, the other penciler for Planet Hulk, had a perfect Hulk, either, but I often preferred his to the Pag’s Hulk of issue 100+.  Ron Garney has worked on Hulk before.  Now, sure, it was for the relaunch in 1999, where Hulk showed up once every handful of issue, but it was enough to impress me.  Garney’s style is somewhat cartoony.  Big, exaggerated faces, a clean, simple line, and lots of overwrought movement.  But, it also has the heft and power and detail of Pagulayan or Lopresti.  I’m actually more excited for Skaar with Ron Garney behind the pencil.  Just check out this Juggernaut.

This image is the best example I can find of Garney’s skill handling massive physiques, a prerequisite for drawing Hulk or his son.  And speaking of Hulk himselves …

Fixit

The Professor

And the Original

All 3 core Hulks in one issue, not to mention a few dozen others, as well.  See The Incredible Hulk V. 3 #12-13 if you want to see the full range of Hulks.

Skaar is in very good hands, and it has every chance to be a top 10 seller when it debuts.  Until then, I have a little plan to help the weeks go by until Skaar’s June 4th debut.  Check in next week for Letters to Skaar.

The Incredible Hulk Trailer, At Long Last

The first Trailer for Ed Norton’s The Incredible Hulk has finally hit the interwebs, and in grand Hulk tradition, it is not without its share of controversy. The first Hulk film, released in 2003 and helmed by Ang Lee, is almost universally reviled as just a terrible movie, though it fared somewhat better amongst critics and at the box office than most people remember. Even those who admit to enjoying the first movie (me, for example) qualify that they like the movie despite its flaws. Promotion for the 2003 Hulk film was a mess in and of itself, with a Superbowl ad that contained unfinished footage. The new Hulk film labored in the shadow of the old, which got bigger and darker with each passing year. The internet waited eagerly, waiting to sink its claws into the reboot. And to top it off, Iron Man was busily whipping comic movie fans into multiple nerdgasms with its combination of all-star cast and excellent practical and computer generated effects. As The Incredible Hulk’s release date grew ever nearer, many took the lack of even a teaser trailer as signs of more problems for Hulk and his movie.

But now the trailer has been released, and the response is… Pretty much exactly what was expected. Fans across the ‘net were pretty much evenly split between excitement and complete disappointment. A main point of contention was, of course, the computer generated Hulk and Abomination. The rather late release of the trailer convinced many that this was finished art, and with this assumption thereby confirmed as “fact,” sent them skittering across everywhere sowing doom and gloom. Some chose to question the late start of the hype machine, stating that there was no way they could get people interested in the film with under 3 months left before release. After all, Marvel’s been shilling Iron Man for a year solid. Has Marvel lost confidence in Hulk’s box office chances after one poor showing?

I say that all this nay-saying is pointless. Marvel, Louis Leterrier, and Ed Norton know exactly what they are doing, and The Incredible Hulk is shaping up to be an excellent movie.

When I first saw the trailer, I was stunned by how good it was. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but it met all my expectations and exceeded them. Norton’s Banner was exquisite. He finally brought some life to Robert Bruce Banner. Eric Bana’s Banner was subdued, timid, almost lifeless. Banner may have been a repressed man, but he was still a confident scientist as an adult. He had emotions, he just hid his more violent ones away from the world. Norton gives us this Banner. He’s emotive and alive, but evasive, as if he’s always hiding something, which he is. He’s haunted, but not broken. We were then treated to some exposition-y glimpses into the plot. Banner’s trying to rid himself of Hulk. The military is trying to weaponize the Hulk as the ultimate atomic weapon. Emil Blonsky is the barely controlled, unstable attempt at creating a new “Hulk.” Abomination predictably goes berserk , and only Banner as Hulk can stop him. A nice bit of visual flair is Banner dropping from a chopper like a bomb. This sequence reveals that the plot is, apparently, an amalgamation of themes from the 616 and Ultimate Hulks. Like in the mainstream Marvel Universe, Banner is on the run from the military, darting from shadow to shadow as he tries to avoid both capture and his next Hulk out. All the while he dreams of returning to Betty, his true love. But as in the Ultimate Universe, the military’s interest isn’t in stopping a menace, but harnessing it to serve as the ultimate weapon. All liberally sprinkled with details from Bruce Jones’ controversial Hulk run. The yoga? All Bruce Jones.

This brings us to the first point of controversy amongst fans, the computer generated Hulk himself. I won’t lie, I was somewhat disappointed with the Hulk model when I first saw it. First off, Hulk has hit the lip gloss way too hard. Secondly, he has a weird tiger-stripe look going on. The last issue I had with the CG Hulk is somewhat ephemeral. Hulk just looks young. It’s like they’re making I Was A Teenage Hulk or something. However, these issue promptly disappeared when I saw the Hulk in motion. While moving, Hulk looked like everything I wanted. It was almost jarring. I assume this is due to different shots being at different levels of completion. This is backed up by Leterrier himself in his comments on the trailer, found here. Though Leterrier was satisfied enough with the computer effects to release a trailer, he makes sure to explain that the effects are still a work in progress. With that in mind, I give the new CG Hulk a thumbs up. Plus, I rather think it looks similar to Sal Buscema’s Hulk, one of the classic interpretations of ol’ Jade Jaws.

I can definitely see a resemblance.

As for the Abomination, I thought that, if anything, he looked more polished than Hulk himself, though some have noted a certain “jerkiness” in his movements. Some have made a point of the fact that this Abomination looks different than the one in the comics, with many pining for Blonsky’s famous finned ears. I don’t think this is such a big change, especially since the Blonsky Abomination is dead (for now), but there is something about the new Abomination that struck me as odd. namely that he looks just like DC’s Swamp Thing. I would have preferred something closer to Jeph Loed and Ed McGuinness’ A-bomb, but that was probably highly infeasible.

Sorry, got carried away, there.

In his commentary on the trailer, Leterrier says that he waited so long to release a trailer because he did not want to release something he was not happy with. He hoped to avoid a repeat of the disastrous Superbowl ad for Ang Lee’s film. This move, however, has drawn criticism in the face of Marvel’s constant pimping of the Iron Man film. I, however, feel this is a good move by Marvel, and comparing the Iron Man and Hulk films’ advertising needs is like comparing, well, Iron Man and Hulk themselves. Iron Man is a new arrival to Marvel’s film stable, and, though some may dispute it, Iron Man is less well known amongst casual and non-comic readers than multimedia stars Hulk and Spider-man. Yes, Iron Man had a cartoon or two and a built-in theme song by Black Sabbath, but Hulk has had several cartoons, as well, and a fondly remembered live action TV show. Hulk also has a well known, if not well liked, movie already under his belt. Marvel has to build up Iron Man’s cache with audiences, and they are doing a wonderful job. Hulk, however, already has that cache, and the biggest part of it may be his almost-flop film of 5 years ago. People will see this film just to see if it’s as bad as the first. Marvel already has guaranteed butts in seats. They just have to make sure that this time, those butts bring their friends and not warn them away in droves. This trailer is a big step in the right direction.

A trailer may not tell the whole picture of a film, however. I mean, the Punisher trailer made that piece of crap look epic. We won’t know just how well Marvel has pulled off its reboot of the Hulk movie franchise until the film hits theatres, but for now, I have hope.